Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Unwrapping the MileagePlus Club Card

Since I spend a lot of my time in airports, I decided to get a credit card which allows me access to the United MileagePlus Club in the airports. Now for those of you that have never experienced the awesomeness that is a club in an airport, let me tell you: The club is a space secluded from normal airport traffic. Most people that go there are frequent flyers and understand the the life of the road. There is a customer service desk so you don't have to wait in long lines to talk to the airlines. There are free snacks, fruit, cheese and meats... lounge couches, power outlets galore, and large flat screen TVs with sports and news on. There is also an open bar with always friendly bartenders. 

Now, along with the club access, it gives you silver status on United, Platinum membership to Hyatt Hotels, and access to a ton of great deals on luxury hotels all around the world. Check out the benefits. But this blog isn't about the card benefits, it's about when I got my card.

I went out to my mailbox looking for an envelope, and instead I find a package... a 5 pound package...

When I opened it, I realized what was in the box

And then I open this beautiful box, and see a letter. "Congratulations on qualifying for the MileagePlus Club Card"

Oh yeah, here's you card btw embedded to the 1/8" cardboard cover of this box.... you might want this.

Underneath the letter are two books. One to explain all the benefits of the card and the other to outline the luxury hotels that you could get deals at.... as if the internet hadn't been invented.

And in case you didn't see all the benefits on the single page on the internet for this luxurious card, here's a 3/4" book explaining your benefits with lots of stupid flowery information.

Don't have the internet? Wait, what's the internet? No Problem! Here's a 1 1/4" thick book of all the luxurious hotels you can stay at with basically all the same deals: free breakfast and a round of golf. Thank God I always wanted to haul this book around.

Don't believe the thickness?

Oh wow. look at these images and descriptions.... SOOO worth it.

At the bottom of the box, finally the information everyone knows is going to bit them in the butt, but the CC companies don't want to share.

The legally binding contract crap.. and insurance, and interest, blah blah blah... But look at the cool books I go too!

This is the remnants of a ridiculous credit card package. Deal United and Chase, All I wanted was a piece of plastic that got me into the United Clubs, not a package of crap that I can find on the internet.

Thanks for killing trees and verifying you put my annual fee to good use,

I came I saw I travel.

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